Entry: Somewhere Over the Rainbow – Israel Kamakawiwo’ole
Good afternoon, everyone,
My name is Julia, and it is a privilege to welcome you all here on behalf of Mary’s husband Gordon, her children Diane, Sharon and all the family, as we take time to reflect on Mary’s life shared with us, honouring her story and the many ways in which she has made our world a brighter and better place.
And on their behalf – thank you – not only for sharing in this time, but also for the love, support and kindness you have so freely given, both as Mary faced immense challenges to her health, and now as everyone adjusts to a world so changed without her physical presence …
With that being said, we acknowledge that the place that Mary holds in our lives now – in our hearts and minds – is in no way less important – only different.
They would also especially like to thank Gordon’s younger sister Maureen who visited Mary on a very regular basis and who was always caring and kind – it meant the world to Mary and all of the family ….
Unexpectedly, it is with great sadness that their sister Pamela has passed away last evening following her health taking a rapid turn for the worse … and so also, we hold Pamela, now at rest, and all the family in our hearts and minds at this difficult time.
And also, to Whitgift House Care Home who not only did a wonderful job in caring for Mary, but they also made sure that the family was well cared for when the most difficult time came – supplying meals, giving them use of a room opposite Mary with a bed, toiletries, fresh towels and more … nothing was too much trouble and this made things just that little bit more manageable – so thank you!
It was very much with this in mind that Mary’s family will be forwarding any donations made in her memory to the Care Home in the hopes they may continue their incredible work within the local community.
And finally, another very special thank you to Paul, Kevin, Matthew and Lewis who have brought Mary to her final rest here in chapel in such loving and gentle hands.
When thinking back on Mary’s life, and as each one of you here are indeed a testament to – there are three words that come to mind, standing out like a beacon – bright and strong … and those would be LOVE, FAMILY & FRIENDSHIP …
In a life that has spanned 84 years these three are the aspects that mattered most to Mary … there are other traits that go along with this of course – her strength and graciousness as she faced ever increasing challenges to her health; her kind-hearted and generous nature; her good humour; and how Mary managed to find the things in life that sparked her joy … and through them brought joy to us too …
We have been so very lucky and blessed to share in Mary’s journey – she has taught us so much, instilled the same values in her own family, and encouraged us to live our best lives every single day … and that is a beautiful gift, and one that ensures Mary will live on the beautiful legacy she created and nurtured along the way …
And so, whilst dates and achievements are naturally important, what mattered most was this community of family and friends so loved by Mary, and how she was loved in return … and so our ceremony is very much a reflection of this … centred around heartfelt and lovely tributes to Mary …
Mary was born on 9th June 1939, and with a world that was plunged into the devastations of a World War soon after, times were not always the easiest. She was raised by her Nanny South, and was the eldest of seven children being a big sister to Alan, Betty, Tony, David, Michael and Sam. She would attend school local to the family home on Portland Road South Norwood, and would go straight out to work …
But more importantly she would meet Gordon and go on to create her very own family … and so turning to our tributes, first we welcome up Mary’s granddaughter Lisa to share our first lovely poem chosen for today, and then following on from that Diane will share more about Mary’s life …
In Our Hearts
Read By Lisa
We thought of you today,
But that was nothing new.
We thought about you yesterday,
And days before that too.
We think of you in silence,
We often speak your name.
Now all we have are memories,
And your picture in a frame.
Your memory is our keepsake,
With which we’ll never part.
God has you in his keeping,
We have you in our hearts.
Reflections On Mary’s Life
Written & read by Diane
Firstly, I’d like to thank you all, for taking the time to join us here today to celebrate the life of our beautiful mum, and also to say our final farewells to such an amazing lady, but before I do that, I’d just like to share a few precious memories.
Mum and dad met in 1957, they were young, and they fell very much in love. They married the following year, and it wasn’t long before they became proud parents to 3 beautiful daughters, me being the middle one… who knew!!
Just two days ago, they would have celebrated - 66 years of wedded bliss.
Sadly, and tragically, we lost our eldest sister Margy back in 1972 at the very young age of 14. But it brings joy to my heart to think that mum and Margy are now together. Its Margy’s turn now, she’s waited long enough to be with mum again, and the thought that mum has been welcomed by her daughter, with open arms comforts me deeply.
Mum was a real family person, she was kind, caring and thoughtful and she was very much the backbone of our family. She loved each and every one of us, right from her eldest grandchild, down to our newest edition - her great, great grandson Albie – and yes, I’m feeling old!
When our children were younger, it became routine for us all to gather at mum and dads house on a Saturday. Mum would put on the biggest spread of food, as if royalty were coming to tea, but she did that for us week in, week out and she loved it. The “posh ham” still pops up in conversation with the kids even now.
Those precious times were always fun and lively, with games and music but most importantly lots of love and laughter.
It has been mentioned that others referred to mum and dads house as “Maryland” and maybe that’s because she had the foresight to adapt to her audience, it was her second nature to make anyone who popped in feel welcomed and at home, especially when children were involved.
Mum had a real passion for any kind of craft; and she learned most of these just by watching someone else - no YouTube or google! She accumulated an endless list of skills; knitting, crochet, tatting, lacemaking, baking, you name it, she did it.
I remember one time going into their spare bedroom, when she had at least 3 knitting machines on the go, all programmed to work automatically, and all churning out garments that she had designed herself, while she was sitting ‘overseeing’ with a cup of tea… she absolutely bossed it!
The last craft she taught herself was to make Greetings Cards, and as it turned out, she was exceptionally good at it, and so this ended up becoming her own small business, which she carried on with until the stroke. She also endeavoured to transfer some of those skills to us – Sharon seemed to pick them up really well!
Mum was always on speed dial for any family crisis. Who remembers the Florence Nightingale mode she morphed into in someone’s hour of need? Honestly, this woman had superpowers. She was always first on the scene, never fazed, she was a real ‘get stuck in and get it done’ kind of girl. She really did keep each and every one of us under her wing, and we could all depend on her whatever the crisis… of which we had a few!
When she had the stroke, none of us knew anything much about her diabetes; she was very much in control of that herself. However, this is when their roles reversed, and dad became her full-time carer. He took on all of the tasks that she could no longer manage herself, including the very complex management of administering insulin. The impact and change to their daily life was immense.
As we all know, diabetes is ruled by what, and when you should eat, this threw dad a real curve ball – he had to learn to cook! Indeed - he thought he was ahead of the game as he embarked on this mission armed with his one and only 3 ingredient recipe – yes, you’ve guessed it, a cup of hot water, a tea bag and a dash of milk!
However, we needn’t have worried, as before we knew it, their kitchen was like a Michelin starred restaurant, where he soldiered on with his newly found skills, teaching himself how to cook healthy meals from scratch for the two of them – no more pop, pop, ping!
We were all super impressed and proud that he managed to turn his hand to these newly found skills… you’ll all agree it was an enormous leap from caring for an old Royal Enfield motorbike! Which, I’m sure; if my memory serves me right, years ago he bought it indoors and repaired it on the kitchen floor… more than once!!
More recently, there were occasions when it seemed mum didn’t recognise us. However, it was a different story when dad walked in the room, he’d sit down beside her, she’d stretch out her arm and take his hand, and then she would pucker up for a big kiss on the lips, and there they would sit hand in hand for the rest of the day watching their favourite TV programmes. But I do believe she could have been playing a little game with us!
I’d like to say a huge thank you to all of our children and grandchildren for supporting myself and Sharon, while we, in turn were supporting mum and dad. We should all be reassured that when they needed us, each and every one of us, were there for them.
We have indeed all been in this together and for that Sharon and I are so very, very grateful.
But the biggest thank you and this is from the very bottom of my heart, goes to dad. Your commitment and devotion to mum over the past 17 years has never faltered, you visited her in the nursing home every single day regardless… regardless of your own health issues, regardless of travelling in adverse weather conditions – even once when we advised you to stay home for your own safety, you didn’t listen; you trooped on with your mission, your purpose which was to care for mum, feed her, show your endless love for her, and ultimately to spend as much time as physically possible with her. And we all know that if the tables were turned, mum would have done the very same for you as you did for her.
Your true colours have shone through, Dad, and I have absolutely no doubt that if it wasn’t for the love and devotion, you demonstrated every single day, we wouldn’t have had the joy of mum being with us for as long as we did – so we thank you - our Dearest Daddy Darling.
Although mum is no longer physically with us, we should feel content that this loving relationship between our dear parents will have no end; it will indeed live on for eternity.
The way you loved and cared for each other is undeniably the most precious gift any one of us could ever hope for… the gift of True Love.
Thank you.
Reflection: True Love – Patsy Cline
Thank you everyone for taking that time, and to Lisa and Diane for your beautiful tributes to Mary… and now we welcome up Mary’s granddaughter Dawn to share our second poem for today …
As I Wait in Heaven
Read by Dawn
As I wait in Heaven and watch you every day,
I try to let you know with signs; I never went away.
I hear you when you’re laughing and watch you as you sleep,
I even place my arms around you, to calm you as you weep.
I see you wish the days away begging to have me home,
So, I try to send you signs, so you know you’re not alone.
Don’t feel guilty that you have life that was denied to me,
Heaven is truly beautiful, just you wait and see.
So, live your life, laugh again, enjoy yourself, be free,
Then I’ll know with every breath you take; you’ll be taking one for me.
Thank you, Dawn, that was a beautiful poem – no doubt echoing the sentiments Mary would have shared today if she were able to …
As we have heard, Mary was so thrilled to become a Nanny to Diane’s children Lisa, Paul and Matthew; and Sharon’s children Dawn, Maxine and Kevin … and she had been very happy too to see Diane and Sharon find their own happiness and successes in life and had welcomed her son-in-law Simon who she was most fond of.
And also, a special mention to Lisa, Paul and Matthew’s dad, Jimmy, and Dawn, Maxine and Kevin’s dad, Kevin Snr, you were both a very important part of Mary’s life and you shared many happy memories together.
Then she became a great-nanny to NINE; and a great-great-nanny to one … seeing one’s family grow through four generations is a most incredible accomplishment and one that we truly celebrate today …
Of course, we have heard just how creative Mary was – on so many levels … and before Gordon took up the mantle of cooking, all the family had their favourites – Gordon was quite simple … anything that DID NOT have carrots in it…
…For Diane it was those Bacon Puddings; and for Sharon it was the scrumptious Shepherd’s Pie with spring greens … If you asked Mary what her favourite treats in life were … Tea, and cheeky chocolates and sweets.
Mary had a delightfully mischievous streak that was just awesome … she did love to wind poor Gordon up … and no doubt all her grandchildren will remember the Unicycle challenge that ended up costing him a lot more than he bargained for … initially Dawn was meant to complete the challenge with a prize of £25 at the end … Mary even enrolled some of the grandchildren in juggling classes to make sure they all followed suite and got their £25 prizes too.
Back in the day there were happy times spent on holiday and no doubt there are fond memories of trips to Cyprus and the cruise taken around the Canary Islands … and back at home both Mary and Gordon looked after their lovely garden.
She always loved her music, and watching television with Gordon – the good old classics … Lovejoy, Dinner Ladies, Only Fools and Horses, Dad’s Army … sometimes it is the simple things in life that bring a smile…
Sadly as we know, our time here in chapel is fleeting, and we could never honestly do full justice to all that Mary’s life has encompassed – but one thing is certain – Mary will remain a part of this loving community of family and friends, she is dearly missed for her physical presence, but in heart and mind she will always be here to lead and guide us as we journey on … Thank you Mary!
Let’s take a little more time for our own cherished memories of Mary and the times we have spent with her before we come to say our farewells.
Reflection: Dream A Little Dream of Me – Doris Day
Thank you everyone,
Let us take a moment, joining together as we say The Lord’s Prayer…
Our Father, who art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy name,
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
On Earth, as it is in heaven,
Give us this day our daily bread,
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those that trespass against us,
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil,
For thine is the kingdom,
the power, and the glory,
For ever and ever
Amen.
If you are able, will you all please be upstanding.
Farewell
Today we have remembered with love,
and gratitude the life of Mary Ellen Byrne.
And though it is with sorrow that we say this farewell,
We celebrate the love and friendship,
Mary has brought to our lives,
And cherish our memories of her.
We thank you Mary,
for the good times and laughter shared,
For your hardworking, kind and generous ways.
And for simply being you.
You leave this world, our world,
A richer, brighter and better place for your presence.
As you continue your journey Mary,
Surrounded by our love,
May you be reunited with loved ones gone before you,
Knowing you will live on in the hearts and minds.
Of everyone you have touched and nurtured
Whilst you lived on this earth.
Rest in peace Mary, may you rest gently,
Now at your earthly journeys end.
Thank you, please be seated.
And so, it remains to thank you all once again for sharing in this time together, and on behalf of Gordon and the family a warm invitation to you all to join together once again at The Aerodrome Hotel for a time of continued reminiscing over light refreshments.
As we make our way, may you find solace in the company of those you love; may time ease your sorrows and grief; and your most cherished memories of Mary never fail to bring you strength, courage and smiles when most needed.
And may your travels be safe, and your health be good – today and every day of your onward journeys in life … as we listen to our final and most appropriate musical tribute to Mary, her grandchildren are going to place their roses with Mary, and then we will make our way from chapel… thank you.
Exit: Unforgettable – Nat King Cole